Star Wars has not been without controversy even from its beginning to the present, whether it be Luke and Leia’s kiss Jaina Solo’s love life or the destruction of Alderaan the palette of vomit they used for the colouring and penciling of Dark Empire. In my (guest) column (that I borrowed this month from Dancelittleewok), I will strive to utterly defend its controversial authors, ideas, or characters– one of the most hardcore and enduring villains of the franchise to the best of my ability. My intent is to bring these issues her issues of extreme sexiness her levels of extreme awesome villainy to light and explore a little of what makes her such a capable villain and why she was one of the best and most consistent things about Legacy of the Force.

This month’s case is none other than the luscious Lady Lumiya, My Dark Lady (otherwise known as Shira Brie). Just why is she so sexy? More boringly importantly, what makes her such a compelling villain, and also one of the more positively memorable things about Legacy of the Force? Crack that lightwhip…. er… I mean, click the link to find out…

Saucer of blue milk, table for two… hawt ladies: FELINX FIGHT!

IN DEFENCE OF LADY LUMIYA

When Dancelittleewok offered me this month’s column specifically intending for me to defend Lady Lumiya, I thought, “What the hell can I possibly defend her from/for?” I mean, its quite obvious to anyone with half a Gungan’s brain or more that Lady Lumiya is an extremely capable and deliciously compelling villain. Often times when females are villains, they seduce their male heroes with their feminine wiles, or have an axe to grind because some male wronged them so many years ago and so they need to get even, or they come off as villain-lite because they are women and therefore not as physically/mentally/spiritually strong as their male villain counterparts.

Don’t get me wrong. Not all female villains are like this. Indeed, there are just as many awesome female villains as there are male villains, not just in Star Wars, and not just in science-fiction/fantasy. But I am sure you all know of those clichéd female villains that flaunt their lady lumps of seduction to make the male heroes go weak at the knees (or loins). I mean, just look at the illustrious Tahiri Veila and what she was reduced to in Invincible (poor Tahiri). Look at Admiral Firecrotch Daala and her whole modus operandi (“Oh look at poor me. I’m a lady in a man’s world and so I have to work five times as hard to prove myself. Also I slept my way to the top with Willy Tarkin, and now I can gas all the Imperial Moffs because I was wronged because of my gender and boo-hoo now readers will empathise with me when I attempt to ram Coruscant and commit oceancide on Mon Calamari.”) So as you can see, Star Wars has it shares of stereotyped and/or loser female villains.

Having said that, we have also had some pretty fantastic female villains. For every clichéd Daala or sexually reliant Tahiri, there are also some Viqi Sheshes, Ta’a Chumes, Ysanne Isards, Asaaj Ventresses and Gethzerions. Thankfully, Lady Lumiya falls into the latter category.

If I had a dollar for every time some member of NJOE made a forum back in the lead-up and beginning of Legacy of the Force making a new thread with the title “Who is Lady Lumiya?” or some derivative of that, I would be so rich I could buy out Del Rey and commission Matt Stover to write that Jacen Odyssey book I want so badly. The problem was that Lumiya’s previous collisions with Luke and friends occurred in the Marvel Star Wars line (Lumiya’s introduction was in Coffin in the Clouds, originally published in February 1982, and her final one was in All Together Now, originally published in September of 1986), which having been published before most of NJOE’s population was even born, is not difficult to understand.

Pseudo-gratuitous underwear shot. What? I’m a guy.

In a brief snapshot (so what if I run overtime, Dancelittleewok gets to do this every month, I’m just walking a light-year in her shoes, so it has to count), Shira Brie was taken from her parents at an extremely early age, raised in the Imperial Palace, trained in Imperial Intelligence, became an Emperor’s Hand (she is an extremely adept Force-sensitive), and was tasked by Darth Vader to discredit Luke Skywalker. Part of this plan was for Shira to act like she was in love with Luke (something which it seems she was not totally faking), and the two even got as far as a kiss. Oh, and Shira has red hair and green eyes. Hold the comlink, I hear you cry! What is this Abeloth-induced madness? Do my Hutt-seeing-into-ultraviolet-eyes deceive me?

Doesn’t all this sound strangely familiar?

= ??

Well, guess what members of the jury?

Shira Brie came first! If anyone ripped anyone off, it was Mara Jade! So you can’t go saying those cheesy comics ripped off the books, because the comics came first. No sir, the only cheesy thing about Shira is her surname.

I don’t think that anyone can adequately argue that either Palaptine or Vader are lazy-britches when it comes to Force-sensitivity and Force-prowess. So naturally, being trained separately by both of them, as Lumiya does, shows just how badass she is when it comes to taking on her enemies in arenas that use Force powers.

But mage powers are not the sole trait by which we judge our villains; indeed some of the most destructive villains are those who are just ordinary men and women. To be a proper villain, one that really intrigues the audience, lays siege to the heroes, and commits decent acts of villainy, a villain has to have a sharp and knowledgeable mind, they have to be able to outwit our heroes, and they also need to have a strong spiritual presence.

Remember that time when that dude called Palpatine totally hoodwinked a galaxy and had himself installed as leader of the free galaxy?

Yeah, Lumiya is totally on that level.

After her Marvel misadventures in which she almost killed Luke and Leia a bunch of times, and proved her duplicitous fortitude by almost ending the Rebel Alliance by way of allying with the rather awesome ninja anime Nagai and then later, the more brutal and totally stereotypical pirate Tofs, Lumiya showed that not only could she successfully make the heroes believe she was a good guy, but she also showed she could prove herself to fellow villains. Playing mind games with both Luke Friggen Skywalker, Leia Organa and two species worth of fellow villains (even if the Nagai did later turn out to be good guys) shows that Lumiya is on that level.

She is able to fight the venerable Mara Jade to a stalemate (The Emperor’s Pawns, an article in Star Wars Gamer #5) and early on in the Yuuzhan Vong War (just after the events of Ruin) she totally fights the Yuuzhan Vong to a standstill and makes off with the Remnant’s stash of Bafforr pollen (I, Yuuzhan Vong, an article from Star Wars Gamer #8).

Sometimes villains showcase their badassery not by coming up against the heroes in a duel, but by taking on fellow villains. Think of Batman’s Joker. Yeah. Pretty much nobody else in Batman’s Rogue’s Gallery can even stand toe to toe with the Joker because the Joker isn’t a villain. The Joker is an arch-villain.

Now, the Yuuzhan Vong are pretty much the cream of the Star Wars crop. You’ve all read the New Jedi Order, and I don’t have the space to go on about their acts of villainy. The Yuuzhan Vong are arch-villains. Lady Lumiya fights them off and gets away. Ergo, she is also an arch-villain.

Lumiya’s arch-villain status is revisited when she returns to what is the Expanded Universe’s arguable major medium, the novels. Returning in the first book, Betrayal, she not only uses her considerable Force powers to make Galactic Alliance citizens and military personnel do things she wants them to, but she uses words as her weapon to begin Jacen Solo’s descent to the Dark Side, and more specifically, Sithdom. Now, Lumiya’s words and reasoned arguments are not the only factor contributing to Jacen’s fall, far from it. However, they definitely give him the proverbial kick in the butt to jump-start (or jump continue, if you will) that fall.

I’m sorry, did my lightwhip get in the way of your GIGANTIC ASS!?

Lumiya is one of the most consistently written things - characters, plotline and story-arcs - in Legacy of the Force. Where the authors totally flip-flop on certain characterisations (Jacen Solo, I am looking at you), or stroke their blatantly favourite pet characters, or drop certain plotlines like they are hot potatoes left out in the lava fields of Sullust too long, Lumiya’s villainy is in a certain respect, a lynchpin for several of the series’ major events and the other characters’ reactions to them. For all the faults with the series, and the authors running off to to their individual things, one thing that Aaron Allston, Karen Traviss and Troy Denning all successfully achieved was portraying Lady Lumiya to be the ultimate hardcore badass that she actually is.

Lumiya totally channels her inner Palaptine when she continues to exaggerate the Second Galactic Civil War (such as tricking the Commenorians into joining the Confederation, for example, which occurred in Fury). She can Macchiavello with the best of them, proving she has plenty of Villain Mind Potency.

“Don’t put it past Lumiya to engineer events to serve her purposes.”

Luke Skywalker on Lady Lumiya (Legacy of the Force: Bloodlines)

She also stands toe to toe with Luke Friggen Skywalker. Whereas Luke has shown us before (and after) that he can smite even God Mode villains, Lumiya fights him to a standstill (at the very least) on at least two occasions (Tempest and Exile). This showcases Lumiya’s Villain Physical Potency. Also, she has Cool Villainous Weaponry, as evidenced by her rather sexy lightwhip, which could also potentially be used in the bedroom. Cool Villainous Weaponry is another hallmark of a deadly and respectable villain.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned has never been so… literal. Check out those fires of hell behind her!

And finally we come to what is arguably the best benchmark by which to judge a credible, interesting and memorable (for all the right reasons) villain. How much they can physically and emotionally damage the heroes, and cause lasting damage. A villain with a large quantity of Spiritual and Mind Potency will know just where to place that emotional dagger and at exactly the right time, to leave the hero(es) alive, but in considerable emotional spiritual pain. That is the kind of villain we all dream of, because we know they have been effective at what they do. They’ve done their job, and they’ve done it well, like the doctor that saved your life, or the chocolate company that made a chocolate that basically gave you an orgasm when you ate it.

And to finish off the column because Dancelittleewok will be really angry at me already for having to proofread this, let’s take a look at just how much lasting damage Lumiya ended up causing not only to Luke Skywalker, but to every surviving member of his family, and nay, to the entire Jedi Order.

“No, I don’t miss my beauty, you fool, because it would have vanished by now anyway. Once I understood that my injuries freed me from worrying about such nonsense, I realized that I had a task that only I could fulfil.”

Lumiya (Legacy of the Force: Sacrifice)

Short of killing Luke Skywalker, the only really damaging thing a villain can do to him is to turn him to the Dark Side or go to town on hurting his loved ones. Now, Luke Skywalker has turned to the Dark Side once before, but in the events of Dark Empire, Luke purposefully chose to join Palpatine to try and sabotage him from within. Also, he has Artoo with him, and because Artoo is so badass, its not like Luke really could’ve gotten away with doing too much evil.

But in Legacy of the Force, we see a galaxy all too eager to go to war. To forget the sacrifices of yesterday because of the interplanetary grievances of today. We see families divided and an interstellar civilisation fractured. We see Jacen Solo hurting Luke Skywalker in a way almost no one else can, because Jacen is family and he has rejected everything good that has been instilled or self-learned.

That crotch thrust you’re attempting really brings out your eyes.

It is into this atmosphere that Lumiya continues to pull at that frayed thread that has started to unravel in the Skywalker/Solo family. By continuing to goad Jacen down the path into the garden of evil, she has used Jacen and his relationship with Ben to pull him (Ben) away from Luke and Mara. This in turn fractures Luke and Mara. Jacen’s actions have fractured Jacen and Jaina, Jacen and Han and Jacen and Leia. And because of the past and because of Corellia, it has fractured Luke and Han, Han and Ben and pretty much everyone else. This complex set of familial relationships and relationships of love is all crashing down because Lumiya is awesome and because Jacen forgot what happened in New Jedi Order.

Lumiya has done the one thing that no one else in the galaxy has ever done: she turned Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side. He acted in full-on vengeance. By crafting a series of lies around the death of the love of Luke Skywalker’s life, by turning his nephew against him, and separating him from his sister and best friend, by triggering his wife into reverting to her own dark past and in making Luke’s niece the unwitting innocent bystander caught up in all this crap, and by driving his son to the point where he has to remind Luke what he has lost, Lady Lumiya knew she would be killed for this. Lady Lumiya was killed by Luke Skywalker in vengeance.

“I’d never let you fall.”

Luke Skywalker’s final words to Shira Brie

(Legacy of the Force: Sacrifice)

But it was a death she was willing to go to.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Shira Brie is no punch clock villain. She has all proverbial guns a blazing. She utterly destroyed Luke Skywalker, divided his family forevermore, and nothing will be the same. Things will not go back to the way they were.

Because Lady Lumiya is an enticing, capable, destructive, deliciously evil and very memorable villain.

“My work and my life are done, Jacen. I’d really welcome a rest.”

Lumiya’s statement of release to Jacen Solo; her protégé, her tool, her weapon, her equal, her instrument and her living Sith dream.

(Legacy of the Force: Sacrifice)

(Lots of thanks to Dancelittleewok for ceding her column to me; it was very much appreciated, I only hope it lived up to her already great forebears)